Feelin like a Dog

The one thing I find it tough to do now that I'm not including simple carbs and sugar in my diet is: have an appetite. And, according to my food charting, I am not eating enough calories. Even my food chart calculator thing (I use an online one) gives me warnings of not eating enough calories and therefore storing fat rather than burning it. So, I may have to set a timer and start planning for food on a schedule like we set for infants. I don't pick at food. I don't go "bored food hunting." I don't have giant cravings I can't control. I don't stay hungry after I eat something.

I still get hungry, just not as frequently nor as close to whenever it was I ate last. So, the carbs-cutting has helped to regulate that "hungry for no reason" thing that used to set off quite a bit, but it's also kicked away the mechanism that says "feed yourself" to where I don't even think to eat until I'm monster hungry...hours and hours later. That's not good for working my metabolism and I'm not losing any weight. I have even gained a pound and my diet isn't ugly!

I met with Ivana yesterday and she looked at my food log and said "You're not eating enough calories." and I thought to myself, "So my electronic calorie counter keeps yelling at me."

So... I have to find ways of eating more often even if I'm not particularly hungry. And I guess that will make it so that I am never monster hungry? And things will stay in balance. IN A PERFECT WORLD, right? :D

Exercise will definitely help with my metabolism, so I am depending on that a little.. but I may have to set reminders in my phone to beep when it's time to eat. How Pavlovian.

The day or so before weigh-in

Every week, just before weigh-in, my body awareness is heightened. I touch my hips, my thighs, my stomach and my butt a lot just to see if they "feel" the same. I watch the rings on my fingers to judge whether they're tight or loosened. For some reason, I feel like a sausage before a weigh-in. I think: I've had to have gained this week. Even when I've done everything I can to stay with my meal plan.

This week, I'm thinking it is impossible to have lost weight. I've had corned beef and cabbage, steak and green beans, egg breakfasts, bacon, sausage, lettuces, cheese for snacks...and my morning tea, of course. I feel -fat- today.

My weigh-in is on Wednesday and I'm not convinced that I haven't gained some weight. My clothes fit okay. I don't like my stomach. The way it feels when I run my hand over my middle, over my shirt gives me pause.

I haven't been exercising all week. Not really. I was gung ho, now I'm ho-hum about it, mainly because I'm at war with a head cold. So far, I've been winning and it hasn't been able to make roots....but it keeps coming back and then I have to fight it off all over again...with sheer will power and cough drops and lots of fluids.

I need to be drinking more water.

I know I'm doing SOMEthing to the fat cells in my body because the places that were once hard to press into, such as my calves and my abdomen, have turned supple. I can't help poking at them to see how my finger makes a dent. Nothing is jelly-like right now, but these places have definitely loosened. My skin is less taught.

My trainer, Barb, says the fat will turn jelly-like and skin will get loose as I lose the weight...and obviously training is the answer to keeping the skin from dropping from my frame when we're finished.

Is it crazy to be excited about "jelly-like?" because I am. Because it means the fat cells are shrinking.

I hope this head cold feeling will finally get gone because I really do feel like doing nothing while it swims around in my skull. In my heart, I want to be doing something to advance in my weight loss journey. In my head, I'm not convinced that I haven't gained and screwed it all up this week. The numbers will say.