My mind, schedule and plate have been SO FULL since the last time I was here and able to post about anything. I can honestly tell you my momentum fell flat for about three weeks and it is just coming back to me - and thank God - I so need it.

January somethingorother I drove to Boston to be with my mom while she went into the hospital and was given a procedure to help give her heart relief from aortic stenosis, a valve-restricting problem that prevents blood from entering the heart properly and also causes a backup of fluid in the body..something CHF patients sometimes endure. So, I was there for a heartwrenching (no pun) ten days of praying she'd stay alive through it and that the procedure would amount to mom being able to take better care of herself. It's going to be a very very slow process. Very slow. But she made it and she's now in rehab, doing what she needs to be doing with people I am confident are very good for her.

Along with mom's medical troubles and my living hundreds of miles away while she recovers and working three part time jobs and heading a steering committee for a local foods festival (which will soon meet more than once a month) I've taken on mom's financial crisis....not really knowing how much of a crisis it really is.

There is so much gone un-handled and there's so much of a dance between what she owes personally and what her company owes (she owns the business my stepfather and she built together) and I am not joking when I say every single day brings another obstacle. Bank accounts get frozen. Customers get letters from outside entities asking for collections. Employees demand pay. Jobs get canceled because pay is not just slow to come in....but is being directed to outside entities which hope to recover what mom's company owes faster by getting money from her customers directly. I can't begin to know how this all happened or when it started happening but I am told by one employee it's been going on 24 years. I don't have a clue as to how this company keeps going or how my mom keeps her house or any of her assets...and I certainly do not know how to save any of it.

I contacted the company lawyer. He contacted the company accountant. I've stepped back a bit because I really have no business in all of that mess. Meanwhile, we are doing our best to make sure payments are sent for vital things like: health insurance, homeowners insurance, mortgage, cell phones (the company relies on them heavily), taxes and life insurance. I can't even look at the pile of bills that come in otherwise. I've taken on a portion of my mom's accounts job and I call her customers every day to follow up on invoices with customers that MAYBE didn't get a letter asking them to pay a debtor directly instead.

So, I've been eating like someone who has no time to cook or think about health. I've had drive through lifestyle for a few weeks and order restaurant food too much. It's gained me the 6 pounds that I lost while I was in Boston at the hospital in January and I feel generally crappy all over.

My heart is crushed. My mind is overwhelmed. My spirit feels like it is in limbo. My attitude remains positive. My hope, my faith, is one salvation. My immediate family is one other. I thank God for every moment I can feel supported and OK despite the problems in my mothers life that continually scream at me.

What am I doing for relief? Not a lot. Now and then I shove everything out of my mind, out of my sight, and spend time with friends. Occasionally, I'll indulge in a couple of beers or a few glasses of wine. Not the ideal way to get free of things, I know, it's just what I've been doing though very sparingly.

Keep in mind I am also a seminary student. I do homework, late, and turn that in, late. I'll graduate in June if all goes well and be ordained on the 10th if I can be!

I'm also planning the biggest birthday party of my kid's life for her sweet 16th which includes fancy dress and a caterer and the works (something I've aimed to do since forever that is a family tradition...always a BIG 16th and I'd like to give her that) - that is slated for July.

And then that Foods Expo is in August, but planning happens every month and I have to attend those meetings.

When all this is said and done - and I do believe this too shall pass - I tell myself it will all have been worth the work. It will have to be.

Don't think this is a complaint list - it's not. It's just a fact sheet to me. When I think about complaining, I think about people in the world who have lost so much themselves or who live in harsh conditions or are in situations they can do nothing about and I just can't find the room to complain.

So, I guess what I'm saying is I just wanted to tell you what's been going on. And I know you're here and I appreciate it. Lots.