This morning on News Radio WINA I met a Dr. I've been praying to find. My nutritionist Ivana Kadija can verify that I've had so much trouble with carbohydrate addicton, getting a handle on it (as I once did very well!) since my mom died has frustrated me...it's been so difficult to do but is essential to my health. Essential.
I'm Diabetic now and that is just an open door to inflammatory disease, heart disease, all. So, I've reached out to a few specialists whose mission aligns with my own.
The Northern VA Dr. who I made an honest plea to for help wrote me back a "why are you telling me all this?" To me, it was a slap in the face. She went on to invite me to make an appointment. I did, but her initial response never rested well with me. I plan to cancel.
Another Dr. responded with kindness and encouraged me to make appointment with Endocrinology at UVA. That's scheduled for October.
But today was a gift. A gift.
During our Live Well segment, Dr. Daniel Cox showed up to detail what it's like to live with Type 2 Diabetes. It is a disease he handles himself and is convinced can be naturally controlled by lifestyle change - in a lot of cases.
He said the same thing Ivana always tells me: Low Carb Diet. LOW CARB DIET. LOW CARB DIET! So many people living with Diabetes are taught to eat what they want just limit the amounts and, to me, it is killing them. I watched my mom die this way. Untreated, unable to control my food addiction, I am going to die this way.
Dr. Cox said whole grains, oatmeal, all of it...unhelpful. (I swear I heard Ivana say yay!!!) Then he said something more helpful than I could have dreamed:
UVA has a new program planned to monitor 50 Diabetics who meet certain criteria and will agree to change their lifestyles, monitor their blood glucose and experiment not with drugs but with food - something Ivana has encouraged me to do to no end.
I feel like her want for me and my want for myself have aligned in this opportunity.
Moreso, I wholeheartedly believe this is all a gift from God and my mom. Probably God but my bet is he's used my mom to help me, knowing how much I need her.
Here is the evidence....
My prayers have been so earnest and so needful of support, communal support, close close close monitoring, accountability and raw education.
I've made attempts to get help over and over and over - I cannot tell you how much.
After doing the interview, Manna sent me a photo of a penny she found at school. Between us, pennies mean my mom is with me. Quarters mean my mom is with Manna.
I took a nap today and I dreamed I was with my mom. You may not think that a big deal but I've not been able to talk to my mom and hear her for over a year since she died. We walked a HOSPITAL hallway. Tufts Med Ctr. probably? Where I last spent time with her alive.
She and I walked and talked about this study...and I told her I was excited to do it. I carried on and on as you can imagine and she was glad for me...as she always is when I decide to help myself. Then I asked her if she'd like to be one of the 50 in the study (clearly not remembering she has died) and she said no very firmly. And I started to get irritated and all my old feelings of "why doesn't my mom damn help herself?" started to come...and I went to open my mouth to say what I would have said back then. She was gone. It was just me in the hallway.
I took a shower and started to cry...because I got to hear from my mom.
Still in my towel, I got a call from Dr. Cox inviting me to join the program. He outlined what I need to do...and away we go.
I hung up with him and sort of reflected on all that has happened: the interview, the penny, the dream, the call.... how much does it take before I realize, this is a gift?
My mom can't do this now, but I can, and she's given this to me.
I thank my mom and God so much.
