Angry at Mom and then some

My mom's got a part time nutritionist who gives her Diabetic info and menus she has been handed for years. And my mom doesn't cook for herself. She can't leave the upstairs of her home. My cousin, a grown man in his sixties, cooks everything...and he and whoever else bring her what she wants.

Sometimes they bring her things prepared how they like it and not how the nutritionist wants it. Sometimes she skips the advice and disregards the menus and eats whatever she wants. Because she doesn't have the energy to try.

It's breaking my heart. I argue within myself and with her over the phone because I feel that I may have to go there and get her out of that rut. And how can I? I'm doing all I can to get out of my own rut! Would it be the blind leading the blind?

But the alternative is to do nothing. To wait and see. To watch, listen as she grows weaker, gains more weight, until she can't get out of bed. Right now, she can only walk between a couple of rooms before she has a hard time breathing. She cannot even go downstairs in her own home.

If there was a fire, she would die.

I feel like I am on that cliff again saying, "Come on, Mom, we can do this together. Just try....!" I feel desperate and sad while she stays up there on her second floor her being lost and alone and (for the most part) immobile.

It breaks my heart. I love my mother. I want her to fight.

And I pray that everything I do to get my own body healthy will work because I don't want my daughter to have to feel it is her responsibility to rescue me.

I'm so close to just driving up there and taking over her care (and she would HATE that) at the risk of all my jobs. She shouldn't die this way. Nobody should.