Life Sucks when your Mom is an Invalid..

...or nearly is. In the past two weeks I've gotten texts, emails and private messages warning me that my mom is very unhealthy and is not doing anything to help herself. I don't know if she has the energy, battling sickness, that she needs to help herself or if her will is broken. I am in the should I stay or should I go debate, with everyone telling me they will let me know if I should go up there. How do I stay put? I'm embarrassed for my mom. She's grown to a very huge size and, I'm told, hardly gets out of bed now.

She calls and talks to me like it's just another average day of going to the restroom and having popsicles because she's feeling dried out. She can hardly walk on her own but recently texted me to say she went without a walker, all by herself, from one place to another - progress!

It's hard to tell if there is progress or if she's really fighting a losing battle. Is she trying too little too late? Is she physically unABLE to help herself anymore? She won't go to a hospital nor will she accept that she needs REAL TRUE managed care and assistance. She has friends and family and people who are in her house to help, but they love her and they'll do for her what medical caretakers would not.

I called my mom recently and cried, simply cried, because I don't want her to die, especially like this: broken, alone, depressed, enormous, blistered, bored, lonely and immersed in what many of us would call personal hell. I cried and I told her I didn't want to lose her. I told her I didn't want her to die and I still need her and love her.

She said she's not going to die and she's tried to make me feel better..but I feel so hollow. I feel very, very hollow and afraid.