Selfish, Maybe

My house is full of crap. All of the upstairs is extra packed with stuff that has either come from the basement or accumulated because nobody cares and we are living like hoarders with little paths to our doors and not much else. I'm confined, hating it, cannot WAIT for the downstairs to be painted, get shelving, and to get shit done putting things back and sorting what's to give away and stuff.

I've got Thursday and Friday off and the basement is scheduled to be ready for all that redistribution I've been looking forward to for ALMOST A YEAR. Finally, there will be room to move, space to run around, breathe, smile, relax and enjoy my home. I can have people over again! I have Thursday and Friday to help organize where everything is going and has got to be - I'm the wife and the mom, it's what I do. I do that.

But, wait! I am also the daughter... I am technically the only child in a house that once had four and, by default, I am responsible for the care of my mother when everyone else is busy and/or is tired of doing it. I get it, and I am ok with loving my mother and being there for her. I'm a little upset that I have to be right NOW, with basement getting readiedness and two whole days to stay home and sort and organize things....two days to make my house the way I want it.

We were even going to skip Thanksgiving and just band together to get it done.

But, mom. And my uncles are maxed out taking care of her and their own needs. Her hired help is beginning to suck a whole lot and has a shitty attitude...and nobody seems to know whose job what is anymore. There needs to be someone to go there, sort people out, manage the care, stop the bickering and tell the grown-ass people who live off of her to get over themselves and contribute to making her house a positive environment or GTFO.

Guess who's job that is?

I can do it from here, but I can do it from there.

And if I go there, I have to neglect here. Sure, here can be done when I get back, but I won't have another two days off for it...in months. MONTHS. because I work 7 days a week. And don't think for a moment if I go up to my mom's I'll get a lot accomplished. There are too many control freaks in the equation and I am not her proxy.

I'm going to call her proxy, my cousin, tonight once I hear how mom's doc visit goes, and then I have to decide whether I have to skip this couple of days I've looked forward to for a year...or if I'll sort my house and go to Mannheim Steamroller after all.

I selfishly want to stay home.

I love my mother, though, more than I love my days off and Mannheim Steamroller...so I will be there if she needs me and that's the bottom line.

Down another 3 pounds, btw.