Sneaky Like Ninja: The Plot to Rid My Days of Diet Cola

Amazingly, I've been good to my word. No matter where I am when I want to drink a soda, I drink a glass of water first. I don't like the water as much so it takes me longer to finish a glass than it would if I was just gulping down a diet soft drink. It means I haven't had more than three zero-cal drinks in a day since starting this...which is actually really good. I used to go right through them without bothering to notice how many I was having...only to find that I wiped out a case of 18 in a matter of just a couple of days.

So, down to three a day as of right now. If I started this quest with the mission of "I WILL ONLY DRINK THREE DIET SOFT DRINKS A DAY" and didn't adopt my BFF's plan to drag water in on this, I would probably do well by the power of sheer will for a couple of days but eventually lose out to the want for sweetness or caffeine or both.

The water is working. If it continues to work well for me, I've considered adding a second glass of water to see how that nudges things. I do know for certain that I will not limit myself to how many to drink in a day, and I won't make a pledge to rid of zero cal drinks by X date - that would only call on my defenses and I'd rebel my way back to drinking as much damn diet cola as I want.

It's tricky to work WITH my unreasonable behavior, rather than try to change it, but to do otherwise is to set up for failure. I want to win this.

The Dreaded Diet Cola Kick

I have the horrible habit of drinking can after can after bottle after fountain drink of diet or zero colas. For years I've had myself convinced that drinking them is OK and I've gotta have my caffeine somehow. Doesn't matter that I love hot tea and that if I limited my choices to tea drinking I'd have less of it a day. What matters is I USED to be a Mountain Dew addict and I'm not now.

Been wearing that "I no longer drink The Dew" badge around for so long that it's not only justified having zero calorie soft drinks, it's made me a goddamn super hero. But, while kicking Mtn. Dew was tough, I didn't totally let go of carbonated caffeine...so I didn't totally suffer....so I didn't overcome anything near world evil....so what was I thinking?

Using the excuse is what.

I'm smart enough to know deep down in my gut that drinking this stuff isn't any better for me (even if it doesn't threaten to fling me headlong into a Diabetic coma.) I'm honest enough to admit that I'd function better without it (even though I've convinced myself that I neeeeeed it.) And I'm swift enough to realize I will find even more elaborate excuses if I can't find a feasible way to kick my soda drinking habit.

What to do?

Copy my BFE - or at least his intention. We recently reset our lives by going through a process based on the book The Best Year Yet - something we practice annually now - and on his BYY plan, he wrote that he'd drink as much water as he does soda. That set the lightbulb over my head to "glow."

I don't know how he plans to account for it, but I know I can only drink so much in a day before I feel all sloshy. SLOSHY. It's a word now because I made it up. Anyway, I made a deal with myself on my own BYY plan to drink 1 glass of water for every 1 can/fountain drink/bottle of zero cola (or equivalent.) 

So every time I head to pour myself a sweet glass of caffeine a la phenylketonurics  en carbonate...I will pour myself a glass of water, too. And I can't get another diet drink til my water is gone. That's THE NEW DEAL.

We can talk about cold turkey quits later.  OK? Because this I can do.

Still Plugging...

You already know that I'm changing my life. My efforts derailed while my mom was in the hospital and I'm still not where I was before mom died...in terms of mindset, ambition and discipline. I'm getting there. I'm getting myself there.

What stings like the tip of a needle is a realization that, at the loss of my parent, no matter how sucky or frustrating she was at times, I am alone to do what things I need to do for my body and mind and spirit. It's difficult to loosen apron strings to someone whose life presence was a touchstone for my own. Sometimes I want to tie them tighter yet.  I want my Mommy.

There's an identity I've come to know while being her kid - a team-like feel I've held through the hell of weight gain, shredded self esteem, and rising phoenix-like from ashes to bask in joy-filled success. It's what we do, we humans. We are made to.

Having my head cheerleader mom to stick around through all of my stuff was precious to me. Having to be her head cheerleader was a hideous burden to me. One day I may appreciate that I could be. Right now, I feel the unfairness of being left alone and a responsibility to myself to kick out of the ashes knowing she isn't watching me. Or if she is, I won't get her feedback. The world around us won't receive her emails telling of my good deed or whatever.

I'd consider my feelings selfish if I didn't recognize this as a deeply childlike need of mine to have my mother. I'd even suck it up and cheer lead back to have her in my world.

I don't post a ton because I am drifting day-to-day...meanwhile setting myself up for success by hosting specialty groups via @meetup and working with a local media group to secure my intention to get back to weight loss work. I'm finding ways to cheer lead my own life. I don't like it as much...but I, being so accustomed to the "My Wen" of her voice and the bazillion email responses she forwards from friends telling her she has a great kid, I need to have that.

I considered being ashamed (only for a second). I'm not ashamed. I love attention and sharing everything I can. So, I'm going to. And I hope my mom can see. And I hope I get a "My Wen" whenever we meet up. Just the facts, Jack.