But I Knew Everything

Best news first: I am on the behavioral side of the study. Yaaaaaay! It feels good to get excited about my health. I've missed that feeling.

I came home with a binder full of information on the Glycemic Load, Exercise, Blood Glucose (GLEBG) program/Diabetes management and got right to work. One of the first things I learned is that I know next to nothing about Type II Diabetes. I'll start with what I did know:

My grandmother and her sister had Type II Diabetes. My mom had it. It runs in my family.
You can't eat a lot of sugar if you have Diabetes.
You can take medicine but if your Diabetes gets worse, you have to be able to give yourself shots.
The disease is with you for life.
People can lose their legs, feet or toes.
People can get Neuropathy or nerve damage.
It is really hard to manage Diabetes.
A lot of people have it.
Fat people get it.


What I didn't know:
When blood sugar leaks into your body, it corrodes your arteries and nerves.
"Complications of Diabetes"  are heart attacks and strokes and other known events that happen to cause death in the body.
Anyone can get it. It's not necessarily a "getting-fat-comes-first" disease.
With practice and diligence, it's not really hard to manage Diabetes.
Diabetes doesn't get worse all by itself. Lifestyle and habits help it along.
Stress and trauma elevate blood sugar and can launch you into hyperglycemia.
You can use the glycemic index to help you navigate through which foods are safer for Diabetics to eat.

I'll know more as we go. The biggest revelation for me was that even though people I love have lost limbs and my mom told stories of her neuropathy....I didn't truly understand how critical Diabetes management is. The routine of taking blood sugar and watching my loved ones eat sugar-free candies was just another part of a normal environment for me. But so was a diet of heavy foods and minimal exercise. And so was complaining. When all of that becomes regular to you, just part of daily life, you really don't know there is a freer way to live. This is what is normal. You accept it. The scary thing is, nothing that ought to be alarming stands out when everything feels like mundane business as usual.

This week I'm learning to take blood glucose readings a few times a day and am monitoring how I feel before and after meals. It's a first step in the first week of being in this study. I have a feeling I will learn more than I ever wanted to know about Type II Diabetes. Lucky you get to come along with me.

Guinea Pig Me

I've joined the Type 2 Diabetes Mellitus blind study at U.Va.'s Center for Behavioral Medicine Research. Not sure which control group I'll belong to just yet, but I am very much hoping to be in the behavior modification group rather than the group that is dependent on the use of Metformin to regulate insulin for the next six months.

My intent for signing up is to follow whatever instructions I'm given over the study period and I have some apprehension in doing so...mainly because to complete the study successfully, I will have to test my blood sugar several times a day, every day, for the next six months. I want to be a fair and dedicated participant so I will only go ahead with signing on the dotted line (so to speak) if I believe I can endure all those finger pricks. Initially, they're not going to bother me. Over time, if my fingertips become sore or sensitive or, worse, unfeeling, I am bound to get angry.

SO some adjustment is going to be necessary. Lots of patience for the redundancy of logging my blood sugar numbers. The flip side - the best side - is that, with U.Va.'s help, I will learn how my body responds to my eating behavior and how it responds to my lifestyle, too. OR I will learn how it responds to Metformin. Yeah. PLEASE LET ME BE IN THE NON-MEDICATED GROUP!

I've printed my paperwork and will bring it with me to my initial visit, tomorrow morning, where I will sign it if  I believe I can withstand all that blood sugar testing and record-keeping. Right now, the accountability of being on a program that is monitored by the doctor and nurse practitioner at the center could provide enough emotional fuel to keep my engine going at those times when I might run out. It's within reason to believe that small successes I reach along the way will provide all the emotional fuel I need to keep going.

As of Midnight, there is a restriction of eating or drinking anything but water. Tomorrow, I will weigh in, find out my fasting blood sugar number, have lots of diagnostic exams (including a stress test,) and take home my first week's worth of information on how to get started. I'm told it's going to be a three hour process.

Whew!

From the Horse's Mouth

As I explained to my counselor yesterday, I hate taking pills. I hate feeling dependent on synthetic crap to make me "work right." I hate needing medicine. I hate owning up to the fact that I have any disease or disorder. But I do: High blood pressure. Hypothyroidism. Diabetes.

I talked at length for most of our session to make clear the feelings I have about asking my doctor to go back to taking medicines that regulate my hormones and insulin output. I do take high blood pressure medicine without complaint...mostly because I feel horrid if I don't. The headaches and general discomfort have hammered that prescription into my daily life. I hate that, too.

But I went on and on about how I've been able to regulate the Diabetes AND increase thyroid activity by diet and exercise - not to mention that I've been truly consistent with neither for a year. Of course I didn't mention that part! Fortunately, I've been to this counselor regularly since before my mom died and she knows that while there was a good six months, once upon a time, when I DID do spectacularly well via diet and exercise (and was improving my BP and every other important regulated system in my body,) that time is past...and my attitude toward drug-taking is obsolete.

I tried to diffuse her argument, saying that I did it once so could do it again. Do you know want what she said to me? She said, "Isn't that interesting that you want to be healthy, but you want to do so on your own terms. You want everything to work out the way you want it to, but you're not willing to do the things you need to do for that to happen." I was quiet for the pause. "Isn't that what your mother tried to do?"

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I can't say what I felt at that wallop, but I heard the truth. And in the span of only a few minutes, I relived the aching hours spent watching my mom's body disintegrate before my very eyes. That is what she tried to do. How much am I like her? And how do I stop before I become what she has become?

The question led me to a day long search for a physician who works with patients who experience metabolic syndromes like Diabetes and Hypothyroidism (and whose family history is full of heart disease and strokes and cancers).

I found someone who has a private practice over 2 hours north of where I live and I'm going to go see her. I've already sent her an email sort of outlining what is happening with me. My luck, she is taking new patients and can accommodate out of town people like me...and has done gobs and gobs of work to help individuals like me whose genetic predisposition is the suck.

So tonight/this morning I feel intensely mortal, delicate as tissue paper, and have not been able to sleep with all the worry over what my body is doing now. I am sorry it took such a jolt of awareness to make me look in the mirror that doesn't reflect Wendy: separate from her mom, but Wendy: the overlay on her mom's sad image. At least it took.

Oh, My Ever-Living Headache!

Whoever said refined carbs don't cause high blood pressure is a wanker. Gary Taubes provides example in his book how simple sugars produce enzymes that kick ass not only in the pancreas but they can increase uric acid in the body's cells and boost salt absorption in the kidneys, too. Basically, carbs fuck you up - if you're someone with a body like mine.

My mom and grandmother were both Diabetic. I've been close to that diagnosis a few times but, so far, managed to wrangle myself away from the red zone by changing my diet. And then life things happen, like birthdays.

Rob's menu? Spaghetti and Meatballs. Garlic Bread. Cake. Ice Cream.

I snuck sauteed mushrooms into the sauce. I made a side dish of sauteed spinach and pine nuts with garlic and some balsamic. But, I had spaghetti, meatballs, garlic bread, cake and ice cream, too. I got away with it last night - not tired, not feeling poorly, doing pretty well alright aside from that FULL feeling that borders discomfort.

Today, though, I have an unfun headache and I hear the swoosh of blood moving when I recline or move a certain way.  So, back off Birthdays! I can't indulge like that anymore. I just can't. And if anyone tells you carbs can't spike your BP you tell them that's totally bullshit. Because, my head is hoping I'm done with the carbs bender of a birthday we had yesterday....and I haven't felt this kind of ick since the cheesey potato incident of 2011..

High blood sugar holds hands with high blood pressure.  My head can guarantee it.

So, the sugar seminar.

The Case Against Sugar was an interesting couple of hours. Guest speaker Gary Taubes brought his power point talking points and shared his knowledge from having spent years researching the loaded question of whether sugar is a toxin for the body or not.

In case studies, results are inconclusive; however, Taubes says that a majority of these case studies are at the behest of and financially supported by the very companies who wouldn't want the world to discover that sugar is as dangerous as it is - companies like Coca-Cola who use sugar and sugar substitutes like chemically-engineered fructose in their products. Interesting, that.

I haven't done the research and I can honestly say I might never try and crunch any numbers. I may not even go whole hog, as they call it, and lynch the soft drink companies who grant money for these reportedly "fixed" results and lobby money into the American government to keep the industry thriving.

What I can say is that, aside from the time-consuming study, it doesn't take a genius to understand that each of our bodies, as God-made as we are, is capable of having its own tolerances and allergies, apart from our human sameness. Some people can't eat peanuts. If they do, they will break out in hives, asphyxiate and, if left untreated, die. Some people can't process animal milk enzymes. They get severe stomach pain and it digests into the you don't want to know whats. Sometimes, they need to be hospitalized because the pain is excruciating.

So, who's to say Taubes isn't right that sugar is poison to people? Is it poison for ALL people? I couldn't tell you - and I probably couldn't know. But, I can agree that sugar kills. Folks with diabetes type II can blame sugar for their illness. There are endocrine specialists who will tell you that some people just cannot process sugar and maintain optimal health.

I believe I am one of them. I've not been a sweets person much - not a cupcake and cookie eater, not a candy sneak, none of that. I have filled up on simple carbohydrates that very quickly break down into simple sugars and enter my blood stream before digestion even has much of a chance to work. It works that way in your body, too, you see...but, in my body, the surge taxes my liver and sends distress calls to my pancreas and my kidneys (already so tired) get like "oh, no, not you again." and then my body shuts down. I get tired. I get lazy. I get sluggish. I can't continue without a nap.

I am already dealing with hypothyroidism...so adding sugar is like signing up for sleep camp. While other kids will be ready for a good time of fire songs and day hikes, I'll be snoring and very difficult to wake.

So, I do believe Taubes when he traces a disease to its cause and it just so happens to be sugar, or simple carbs, is the X factor. I had an interesting time.

Next post, I'll talk with you about stamina and stuff.