Little bursts of motivation happen continuously. I tend to fall into trouble when all the good-feeling starts to wane and my effort becomes routine. Can I be happy with routine? The sort of discipline that contributes to success?
Maybe I can. Maybe.
Now that I'm not over-employed I have time to lay in bed when I'd rather stay warm and comfortable. I can choose to ignore the internal alarm that has developed from my always-busy lifestyle. My kid is old enough to get herself ready to school and off in its direction. I don't have to do a thing.
But, I want to. I get emotionally high from taking care of my daughter. When I'm awake with her in the morning and looking after her just a little it makes me happy. Having to leave before she's off to school every day, leaving her to do whatever it takes to get there without my company, has sucked so much.
So, even though I can sleep in and ignore the urge to get myself out of bed, I realized (this morning) I wouldn't. There are so few years left for me to share these early hours with my kid. College is a future we can touch.
Having routine momentum is a tough one for me, or was, until I realized I can totally love my routine every weekday morning. And somebody else can, too.
We both get so pleased when I am ahead of her just a couple of small steps, just being around to listen to whatever mumbled ramblings she has on her mind before her school day starts. I make her breakfast....she takes time to eat it...we have a few minutes of exchange before she's off.
Normally, she grabs something easy (like a banana or whatever) and eats it or forgoes food til the end of the school day. Being home and awake for her day start is this is one thing I can take part in, be of help with, and enjoy 'til she is truly on her own.
I know she's capable of getting here to there on her own. She does a lot for herself. She has for years. I get to be a mom with my new hours, though, and we both like that.
For the past few months I've reduced my hours at work again and again until, finally, I decided to just be home...and in that time, she and I have grown together more closely. I have to credit breakfasts and the minutes of listening when she gets home from school. I am here for the debriefings and can provide a place to let out stress.
And you know what? It makes her happy. And that motivates me to be here even more. I mean here, in her life, on earth for as long as I can keep my life going, not just here at home. Her jokes, her health, her trust and confidence, the way she shares her life with me, expects me to just "be there" for her, is just the motivation I need for when my own momentum slows.
I tell everyone I am lucky to have her. I am.
Being home has shown me that she is just as lucky there's me.
I want to keep her lucky for as long as I can.
My internal motivation, my fitness, my health, is within me - there is no question of that. And right now I happen to like that I have new-found wisdom to carry me when my internal motivation starts to wobble. "Lucky there's me." Recognizing how important I am to my daughter, even in the littlest ways. Really cool reinforcement. I think I can love routine.
Showing posts with label routine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label routine. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
AccountableMe
I'm making all sorts of decisions to secure a nicer day-to-day lifestyle for me and my family and part of that includes being more and more accountable to myself about diet and exercise.
I thought by letting go of two jobs I would be giving myself more time to get stuff done that I care about, like taking care of me, but guess what? Every ounce of that time I tried to give myself suddenly became filled with a bunch of other things. I'm not crying "victim" because I brought this on myself and I'm learning how to do things differently...so no harshness, just observation.
But, okay, I was with Ivana 2 weeks ago and we're due to meet again on Tuesday next. While with her, I made two important goals:
1) let go of my paper writing job
2) make breakfast at home and take it along (instead of getting drive thru junk).
The first was THE hardest thing I've had to do in a very long time, but I did it. And I've done what I can to make bringing breakfast from home an easier thing to do every day, too... like making an egg bake ahead of time and scrambling sausage with veggies and storing it in the fridge. i plan on making a "mash" from a recipe that calls for butternut squash and pumpkin, and i'm gonna steam asparagus, wrap individual wands in prosciutto and use those for snacks or an occasional breakfast. so, there you have 'em: plans.
I've decided small steps are best because I keep taking on too much at once and then I stall or give out or something happens to disrupt my routine and I lose momentum. I lose that "discipline" feeling that I see and admire of my father-in-law's daily do list. So, here's to change that I can manage well. Thanks, Ivana. :)
I thought by letting go of two jobs I would be giving myself more time to get stuff done that I care about, like taking care of me, but guess what? Every ounce of that time I tried to give myself suddenly became filled with a bunch of other things. I'm not crying "victim" because I brought this on myself and I'm learning how to do things differently...so no harshness, just observation.
But, okay, I was with Ivana 2 weeks ago and we're due to meet again on Tuesday next. While with her, I made two important goals:
1) let go of my paper writing job
2) make breakfast at home and take it along (instead of getting drive thru junk).
The first was THE hardest thing I've had to do in a very long time, but I did it. And I've done what I can to make bringing breakfast from home an easier thing to do every day, too... like making an egg bake ahead of time and scrambling sausage with veggies and storing it in the fridge. i plan on making a "mash" from a recipe that calls for butternut squash and pumpkin, and i'm gonna steam asparagus, wrap individual wands in prosciutto and use those for snacks or an occasional breakfast. so, there you have 'em: plans.
I've decided small steps are best because I keep taking on too much at once and then I stall or give out or something happens to disrupt my routine and I lose momentum. I lose that "discipline" feeling that I see and admire of my father-in-law's daily do list. So, here's to change that I can manage well. Thanks, Ivana. :)
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Reduce, Reuse, ReTreadmill
So, I've significantly reduced the amount of work I do in a day. I want to make sure my decision gets the respect it deserves by making the time I've earned count for something. So, I had to ask myself what I want...and the answer was discipline.
My father-in-law is a retired U.S. Major. He's happy and motivated by taking care of himself. His routine is so established that it is predictable down to the orange juice he has to have with breakfast and the cup of soup he enjoys with every lunch. He exercises daily. He sets out to do things and completes them. He doesn't take on things he doesn't feel he can commit to. I believe he is a good example of personal success because he is happy and comfortable with his self-care, and he can do it in a way that serves others but that doesn't compromise his happiness and comfort.
His way of doing things has been on my mind because I'd like to achieve some of the same things he has - especially the personal commitment to taking care of myself.
As you know, I've made some immediate changes in order to treat myself (and others!) better, be less hard on myself, less taxing on someone else...so I feel I am on my way.
This morning, I woke with the idea that I would make a list of things I want to be disciplined about. I even went to Google for others' examples of living a life of discipline - and wow, I am glad I did!
I found this site written by a Zen practitioner to be really helpful. At first, I wanted to argue that discipline is no illusion - I see my dad in law stick to it. I see others around me, like Jay at work, stick to it...and I want to, too.
After reading the "discipline is an illusion" post, I had to admit the content makes sense. Not only that, but it makes 'discipline' accessible and lends to the appearance of PROBABLE, should I go ahead and apply the principles of discipline I admire so much of others in the controlled environment the zen piece describes.
Ultimately, I know the decision and the exertion is mine alone. I know that nobody wakes my father-in-law up and tells him to exercise today. Nobody shakes Jay out of bed and says he has to pray and spend the day celebrating everyone he meets. But they do it. Because they want to.
It feels right to think about what I want to do...and that zen-writer piece seems like a good reference to use again and again until I do feel disciplined. To me, there is admirable strength in making healthy choices for oneself...and I, of course, want to live admirably.
So, I'm going to think about this and jot down wants for myself until I can form a list that I'm happy with and eager to go ahead with. And I'm going to meet Barb at the gym today, as planned, because I really like to be there and I really like her company and I really like the feeling I get when I've accomplished that hour of self-care.
My father-in-law is a retired U.S. Major. He's happy and motivated by taking care of himself. His routine is so established that it is predictable down to the orange juice he has to have with breakfast and the cup of soup he enjoys with every lunch. He exercises daily. He sets out to do things and completes them. He doesn't take on things he doesn't feel he can commit to. I believe he is a good example of personal success because he is happy and comfortable with his self-care, and he can do it in a way that serves others but that doesn't compromise his happiness and comfort.
His way of doing things has been on my mind because I'd like to achieve some of the same things he has - especially the personal commitment to taking care of myself.
As you know, I've made some immediate changes in order to treat myself (and others!) better, be less hard on myself, less taxing on someone else...so I feel I am on my way.
This morning, I woke with the idea that I would make a list of things I want to be disciplined about. I even went to Google for others' examples of living a life of discipline - and wow, I am glad I did!
I found this site written by a Zen practitioner to be really helpful. At first, I wanted to argue that discipline is no illusion - I see my dad in law stick to it. I see others around me, like Jay at work, stick to it...and I want to, too.
After reading the "discipline is an illusion" post, I had to admit the content makes sense. Not only that, but it makes 'discipline' accessible and lends to the appearance of PROBABLE, should I go ahead and apply the principles of discipline I admire so much of others in the controlled environment the zen piece describes.
Ultimately, I know the decision and the exertion is mine alone. I know that nobody wakes my father-in-law up and tells him to exercise today. Nobody shakes Jay out of bed and says he has to pray and spend the day celebrating everyone he meets. But they do it. Because they want to.
It feels right to think about what I want to do...and that zen-writer piece seems like a good reference to use again and again until I do feel disciplined. To me, there is admirable strength in making healthy choices for oneself...and I, of course, want to live admirably.
So, I'm going to think about this and jot down wants for myself until I can form a list that I'm happy with and eager to go ahead with. And I'm going to meet Barb at the gym today, as planned, because I really like to be there and I really like her company and I really like the feeling I get when I've accomplished that hour of self-care.
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