AccountableMe

I'm making all sorts of decisions to secure a nicer day-to-day lifestyle for me and my family and part of that includes being more and more accountable to myself about diet and exercise.

I thought by letting go of two jobs I would be giving myself more time to get stuff done that I care about, like taking care of me, but guess what? Every ounce of that time I tried to give myself suddenly became filled with a bunch of other things. I'm not crying "victim" because I brought this on myself and I'm learning how to do things differently...so no harshness, just observation.

But, okay, I was with Ivana 2 weeks ago and we're due to meet again on Tuesday next. While with her, I made two important goals:

1) let go of my paper writing job
2) make breakfast at home and take it along (instead of getting drive thru junk).

The first was THE hardest thing I've had to do in a very long time, but I did it. And I've done what I can to make bringing breakfast from home an easier thing to do every day, too... like making an egg bake ahead of time and scrambling sausage with veggies and storing it in the fridge. i plan on making a "mash" from a recipe that calls for butternut squash and pumpkin, and i'm gonna steam asparagus, wrap individual wands in prosciutto and use those for snacks or an occasional breakfast. so, there you have 'em: plans.

I've decided small steps are best because I keep taking on too much at once and then I stall or give out or something happens to disrupt my routine and I lose momentum. I lose that "discipline" feeling that I see and admire of my father-in-law's daily do list. So, here's to change that I can manage well. Thanks, Ivana. :)

Internal Reboot

I don't care what anybody says, changing my diet has been a tremendous event - and a tumultuous one! One week I am up, the next I am down... and in some weeks I am up and down emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually - ALL OF IT!

This week has been one of those mixed varieties where I feel good about having sought relationships with the people who are knowledgeable and can support my weight loss and my changes in a positive way and I feel bad about eating poorly: not really eating on time, skipping meals, eating high calorie foods in a hurry to replenish me because I've skipped eating too much....and not really exercising.

To be fair, I've had some really emotional weeks of changing my life around: finding help for mom, taking care of my home, my family, realizing the impact of how spread out I am and how much it affects how I feel about myself...and that when I do that, I am disappointing others who depend on me. I have come to realize my way of doing too many things really bites it.

So, I've been paring back here and there to narrow my focus on what I feel I am supposed to do most: to minister with love and humility to a wider audience than I am currently keeping. I hope that I do so via radio, but I've yet to see how it will come to pass. What I know is that I have to set my path on that ministry goal and be ON it - and I have to set my mind on spending REAL time with my family doing the things we've been saying we'll do and never getting around to it.

I have had to ask myself, "Who is this Wendy of incompleteness and why is she in my life?" Because I'm a lot better than that. Thanks to my coaches in nutrition, physical exercise and mental balance, I've got a clearer picture of the Wendy I need to be. She has been lost...or maybe she has not even had the chance to be in existence.... but it's time she was.

I'm sure I will have good days and bad days, up and down weeks, and all kinds of distraction to keep me thinking, but I hope to remember that I've taken a stand for humility and that is why I'm here.

So, I've let go of things I can't commit to properly and I am humbly carrying on toward my goals of health, family and ministry - even though it makes me cry and is hard to accept.

I have to get the weight off.