Twitter's Stolen My Appetite

You would not believe the behaviors I am conquering just by taking pictures of my meals to share on twitter before eating. Doing this has led me to think about what I'm doing - sometimes cautiously and carefully. Here's how:

It underlines the importance of honesty.
Oh, I've had the inkling to deceive you by taking a picture before adding cheese to a scramble of some kind...but I didn't! Taking shots of eggs and bacon or whatevers every morning and plowing through with images of lunches and dinners has heightened my respect for my personal dignity.

I am more conscious of what goes in.
Changing my diet from a drive-thru and/or quick bites and big dinners lifestyle is a process for me. I'm not 100% there yet...but I've done some mental and social work to tweak my behaviors already (hosting a real foods group has been especially helpful) and am more aware of what is going to pass my lips. Taking a picture of what is about to end up in my stomach? Yeah. I am not going to want to share a picture of a sloppy burger and a heap of fries without having thought it through.

Note: I ate that very burger and gave most of my fries away the Friday night I went out with my friends. And I didn't feel bad about eating it OR tweeting it because I'm taking better care and attention of what I eat ALL the time now. That burger was awesome and a good choice. I make even healthier choices day to day, meal to meal, so I don't feel guilty.

I think about food differently.
And I can't say that tweeting what I eat is wholly responsible for the change in how I think about food, but it does have influence over presentation.

For a while I have planned meals and grocery shopping (as part of yet another group I started for people who want better home organization). I still do that...but because I am tweeting, I plan to make even nicer things to look at. I hate tweeting pictures of blobs of food. I do eat blobs of food sometimes, but I mostly want to make things that look delicious.

Portion control is spontaneous.
My -portion- size has trimmed on its own. It has! I am not going to send you an image of a heaping plate of spaghetti bolognese with two slices of garlic bread and a meager salad of not much in it. I did eat like that.

I don't now.

Just the other day I tweeted a photo of spaghetti squash with three meatballs and sauce. I skipped the garlic bread and the salad and was still satisfied, not left feeling hungry or wanting, which means I can eat less and feel just fine about it. Being aware of how much food is on my plate is all twitter's fault. I love it. I won't cheat myself by going hungry because that will just push me to binge eat between meals. I eat enough to satisfy my stomach but also appeal to my sense of pride (and embarrassment!) because I am tweeting what I eat.

I get to share my life.
Now I find myself excited to show you what I'm doing. I am not having but wanting to photo journal every day....and I get to avoid food logging the old fashioned way and I inspire people to cook more and I get asked for recipes. This feeds my slightly social personality.

I encourage you to try this for yourself in case you find the same benefits - or even better ones. #tweetyereats with me @wendytime

Sha-doobie...Scattered, Scattered...

Shmatta, shmatta, shmatta....I've had so much in my head and on my heart and in my schedule and wedged into my responsibilities and I kind of lost my way. The phrase "You do a lot!" comes at me on close-to-daily basis. I DO do a lot. And I have way more in my mind to DO. It's because I am no mere THINKer, see. I am here to get things DONE. And that's pretty great and works incredibly well when I know what I'm DOing.

But, I don't. Or I didn't, since my mother died. I've kept pushing with ambition and, well, projects have especially taken a big back seat for one reason or another. I've come to accept that when world doesn't work with you, it may be time to pause and reflect and maybe find a new direction or let it go and find a new adventure.

You know things have been the SUCK since my mom passed away. I function one moment to the next. Sometimes I don't function. Sometimes I just sit and stare around at the room I'm in and can't think up a single thought, let alone DO something.

I have piles of belongings of my mothers kind of everywhere in my house. I have some things in my car, too. All of that is waiting for me to sort through it. Yeah, it's on the list.

And I have a child, a teenager, who gets a lot of my attention and time because I want to have and do as much with her as I can before she's off to college and only comes home if her clothes stink.

My mom's estate stuff is in limbo, so me, too.

Weight loss attempts have been immediately successful followed by immediately not. And I can't seem to drum the motivation to go all in again. Just can't. My evilbrain goes like this: "Uhuh, I see you waiting, treadmill. Fuck you, treadmill. Fuck you, fast food. Fuck you, walking suggestions and recipes from innocent helpers. I don't need YOU."

So, What do I need? Hugs. I need a lot of those. And...to find some kind of peace with my mom and her death. And I need to get better organized so that I can DO all the things I hope to. And I need to stop wanting to do more until I get what I have already started or gotten into sorted out.

I've started with books. I have, literally, over 40 books I am CURRENTLY reading. Over 40 books, all of which interest me, all of which I read, scattered kind of everywhere from the kitchen to the bathroom. There are books in my car, too. I follow all the stories and know where I am in them, but I think this books all over the place reality is a good example of how I am doing everything. Bit by bit, as I have time, as the need strikes, when the mood hits and all that.

So, I'm starting with books. I've made an excel spreadsheet of all the books I am reading and stuck them in categories like ministry, radio, pleasure, helpful books like how to be organized (HAHAHAHAH!!!!) so I can SEE what I have ongoing. And I've decided to read ONE book at a time (no matter how long it may take me to finish it).

I'm starting with breakfast. I'm not going to worry about drive through lunches or being in a hurry or too tired to cook or anything beyond breakfast. Every day I am making healthy breakfast. No drive through, no skipping, no quick carbs loading.

 I'm starting with a quit job. No taking on more stuff, either. I need room to do this sorting, organizing, counseling with Cara (behavioral) and Ivana (nutritionist), and time well spent with my kid. I can do more later, and be good at it and not overwhelmed and the world will work WITH me. Watch.

That's all I want to DO right now.