The Devil is in the Details

How true it is. I am changing my life - I'm on a mission to Live Well - and doing anything I can to be on my right path for sanity's sake.

Part of what I'm changing is what foods I eat and portions and all that contributes to weight loss. It's not a hard push, I'm not restricting myself, just being aware and doing my best to make good choices that will result in a healthier me.

I'm also changing what I dislike most about my home: our pack-rat lifestyle. Thanks to my friend, Sherry, I have a book that helps me do that  as much and as often as I'd like, on my own schedule, and my house still gets clean. I've managed to keep the main spaces tidy so now I'm taking on the clutter spaces and well-used surfaces that sort of muck up the look and feel of everything. You know, those catch-alls where everybody puts things and nobody looks at again?

Those spots in my house have been overwhelming. OVERWHELMING to look at, let alone do something about. But why?

Because the devil is in the details.

Ridding of one pile of mess seems futile in the face of all the piles of mess that surround me. And when I look at a pile individually there are usually books and clothes and pieces of mail for who knows who, stuff to BE mailed to people I love and just never bother to take to the post office, things my kid no longer plays with (and hasn't for umpteen years), things I meant to nail to one of our walls and just haven't. Small stuff. Details. Hard work. Or is it?

I'm going to remove some clutter from a cubby in my kitchen today - taking out all the unnecessary stuff, doing something WITH that stuff, and THEN I'm going to move the cubby to a more obvious space in the room so that it will be EVEN MORE unsightly should it get tucked full of unnecessary stuff.

It is one of those jobs that looks boring and there is some stuff stuck in there that I don't even know what I'll do with. Details. Ugh! But, I'd rather do something than nothing these days (and I thank the death of my mom for that!) and by this afternoon I will be glad I bothered.

And just to keep myself from being distracted and bugging off of the job, I've got my teenage friend Morgan coming over for motivational support - and I'm paying her a few bucks to help me sort stuff (but really it is just to have someone to talk to and be around.) It works out because she wants money for her mission trip and I want an organized cubby in my kitchen.

So there you have it....proof that I will stop at nothing (even if it costs me $10) to get this crap done.

An Important Reminder

I can't stop thinking of my mom and how much I miss her and how much missing her and wanting her affects my motivation. I roller coaster so much now. 

Since I can't seem to get my mind quiet and I can't stop thinking over every minute spent in the last two weeks of her life, I decided to look at all my Facebook posts from that period just to remember where my mind was, what was happening, because memories get distorted as time moves on.

I came across this poem. I wrote it for my mom (after years of begging me to write one for her) and was fortunate to recite it for her (though she was sedated and on a lot of equipment) two days before she died.

I cried so hard while I was writing it. I've never seen or felt so many tears or so much snot in my LIFE. I sobbed. I sobbed for everything I didn't do when I could have. I sobbed for everything I wished we could still do. I sobbed because I missed her already. I sobbed because it broke my heart to see my mom so sickly - knowing how much she wanted to live and live and live.  I sobbed because I held so much pain and yet, despite everything that happened all around me, soldiered like a daughter is supposed to. I sobbed because I didn't know what to do with myself, how to imagine life without her. I sobbed because I didn't know what to do. I was helpless. I was so so helpless.

my awesome mom

When I got to the hospital to read it, I did my best not to cry.. and I read it twice so she could know how much I meant every single word.

if you can't watch the sun rise,
i'll watch it for you.
if you can't get on your feet,
i'll stand up tall.
if you want to feel the ocean,

i'll run through it.
you gave me life, the greatest gift of all.
if you can't say you love me,
i'll just know it.
if you can't take a breath,
i'll drink mine in.
if you can't fight the fight,
i'll find the will, mom.
i'll savor life, the greatest gift of all.

And here I've been for the past month or so bouncing between emotional waves every single day...barely keeping my head above the dicey water. I decided to post the poem here so I can look at it for the promise it was and use it to curtail the want to stop the needs I feel with food. 

 

I wanted her to know I'd be okay. I wanted her to know I'd be successful. So, a reminder for me. 

I have another good reminder I can share with you - but not at this time and not next time! Instead I'll probably join you to debrief after my session with Cara (later this afternoon) some time over this weekend.

Why You Should Name This Otter "Wendell"

I. Love. Otters.

That's really all you need to know; however, if you need convincing that "Wendell" is not only the appropriate name for the newest addition to the VA Beach Aquarium, it is the BEST name he could have. Here's why:

My cousin Ann has ten kids. I've been trying to convince her to name her child "Wendy" or "Wendell" since her third was born. No go. Not even as a middle. (Can you believe that?!) But, no matter, I believe I have a very nice name. It reminds people of Peter Pan and...and...and....hamburgers!

Aside from the really poor decision-making on my cousin's part, I've always wanted a namesake. And along comes this opportunity to name the new baby otter...any name in the whole wide world....and folks are piling up to call him BENEDICT.

I'm sure they have their reasons, but stay with me, please. "...the animal was so young when he was found, he became dependent on human care and it was determined he could not be released into the wild."  Look! He has abandonment issues. OMG, me, too!  He is co-dependent. OMG - Me, too! He's super cute! I can be sometimes.... :)

He likes attention. Check!
He's in the media. Check!
He loves to swim. WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON!

I want you to go to this website, scroll to the comments and type in "Wendell" because this baby otter deserves a good name. One that means "great friend" and doesn't rhyme with SCHMENEDICT. And because he has already made a friend of me. And because I love him unconditionally (just because he is an otter!) And because you are my friend and you want me to have my very own Otter (since this is the closest I will likely get to having one ever.)

And you should vote for the name "Wendell" because he will like his name very much.

Vote here: http://youotterknow.com/help-us-name-the-little-guy/

Thank you.

Join my campaign @wendytime on twitter!  And check out this incredible documentary Otter 501 which I am trying to get screened in the city of Charlottesville.