Incredible Shrinking Me

I bought a shirt at my old size because I wasn't convinced I could fit in the smaller version yet. And I wore the shirt tonight because it's pretty festive and suited Trans-Siberian Orchestra's Christmas concert. I think I could have gone down TWO sizes. I'm swimming! And grinning. And kind of annoyed at doubting instead of just trying it on. I'm resigning this cute top for use as part pajama til the neck hole falls past my shoulders.

You Don't Scare Me, Thanksgiving!

For a do-nothing day I've done well for myself and my family. I decided to hibernate this time around and have our turkey and fixings meal the same as dinner time normally is - a good choice for me considering it's most helpful to stick to this controlled environment while I'm transitioning from heavy carbs all over again.

I created a menu that would appeal to my vegetarian kid and my own low-carb lifestyle and it totally worked out...and I had to laugh by the end of our meal because we made little progress in the way of eating anything. The turkey'd barely been sliced. There's still a big casserole dish of dressing and a huge bowl of rutabagas. We didn't even finish our sweet potatoes. There are still green beans left over. There are NEVER green beans left over. I think the only disappearing act came from this odd green Jell-o/fruit/nut thing my kid can't keep her hands out of. There's a bit of that left, though.

Having satisfied stomachs and not overdoing it for a holiday's sake is a great feeling. It was a good idea to have options in front of me that, aside from the Jell-o thing that I don't really like anyhow, are of good quality, taste great and have valuable nutritional content.

Deciding to hole-up to avoid distraction was a good idea, too.  I probably won't be as anti-social this Christmas. I just needed the space to see that I could pull this off. I love that I could.

Edit: The Menu

roast turkey with pan gravy
sausage and apple dressing
green beans with shallots and almond slivers
baked sweet potatoes
mashed cauliflower
mashed rutabagas
honey-glazed carrots
green jell-o weird thing
relish tray (includes cranberry relish, pickles, olives and things)
veggie tray (cold, crunchy veg)

& I allowed one small pumpkin pie in the house for dessert

The Potency of Slow

I read so much applicable information in Anat Baniel's Kid's Beyond Limits that I've incorporated her methods for teaching children and parents of special needs the sacred art of movement into my everyday life.

If I was still reading this book in tidbits of time, only picking it up here or there, I believe I would have missed out on a lot of valuable material. Before I slowed myself down, I would have gotten the gist of the book and probably would've liked it...but the richness of taking it all in was far better.

I still have a lot of books to finish. This many:

Most of them I intend to read from the beginning so I don't miss anything useful.

This basket of books is symbolic to me. It is a heap of unfinished, in-progress, well-intended ideas that didn't get the time or the effort they deserve. When I leave open books all over my house and in my car....and only read a little at a time whenever/wherever I happen to be....I'm impeding progress, delaying gratification (of having finished a good read), being too busy, denying myself the real privilege of reading.

I do this to myself in so many other ways: take on way, too much...kick off lots of ideas that I don't have the time or patience for...and then suffer the consequences of having various items, people, events, projects waiting for my attention. And when do I ever get to me? I don't. Not with heaps of things like this all over my life.

So, I'm doing this "read one book at a time thing" to get through the book pile and get what I really can out of it. I'm doing a "take on one project at a time" thing, too...helping out Mason's Toy Box through December 19th. I've bolstered support for my own nutritional needs by hosting a REAL FOODS group in my home and it is slowly growing in membership and ideas are spilling and I'm not the only one generating them. I love it.

The difference shows in my body: I'm slimming down. I smile more. I feel good, generally. It's nice.

I'm "mastering" these things before I move ahead - and I have every intention to move ahead - at a pace that is more kind to me. I have a lot of projects waiting for my attention and I feel that's okay.  I feel much less guilt when I wait to do something and finish it....than if I jump to do something and don't.

Intelligent, Stunningly Beautiful and Engaging

I am happy to report that I shared a great weekend at the beach with my family, started reading book number three in my eternal list of books to read.

Now I am home and am contemplative of so many things. There is much I'd like to jump into; however, I am moving very slowly. I've already done so many things, jumped into each of them, only to find I didn't have the time I wish I had to give my full power to them.

Who doesn't want to be a woman that does it all? I'm figuring out HOW TO so I can share my experience when I start my (coming) podcast.

But just to keep my brain rattling, I signed up for a Coursera program called Principles of Obesity Economics offered by Johns Hopkins University. I'll bet you can guess why. I am going to fail this class because I started past deadline (didn't understand the start date due to vague emails sent) and I am flunking the quizzes. I can retake all the quizzes but I decided I wouldn't. The most important reason for me in taking this course is to understand the way economists, consumers, businesses and governments view the model of obesity...and to figure out where and what the incentives are for each mentioned party.  I'm understanding well, even though I'm failing quizzes, and I'm taking a lot from the lectures...most of them get my brain clicking and my hopes swirling.   I don't even feel like a failure and I'm failing. It's funny. And fun to learn.

I've signed up for a number of nutrition and food-based courses offered by different universities through this website and I am pretty excited to learn more and more.

And by the time I get my home space in order and feel content with the direction of my personal diet and exercise, I'll be happy to get the podcast going and share all sorts of findings via the program.  I have thought about it...and I could be ambitious and push myself to do, do, do. I'm pretty good at doing that. But, I'd rather stick around to go, go, go...and not burn out too quickly.

Also, I'm seeking the advice of a few other people who will help me be an even better Wendy - by which I mean business woman. More focused. More disciplined. More fun. More happy. More accomplished. (Yay!)

Doing more by doing less? I'll take it and I will love it! So will you.

Enthusiasm

I am learning to cultivate enthusiasm with the help of the second book on my list. I am learning a host of other things to go with it, but I want to bring forward how delight for the small stuff contributes to general happiness, contentment with things as they are.  Please don't confuse enthusiasm with acceptance because of what I am about to say. The two positions don't relate in this model.

Acceptance says, merely, "Yes."  Enthusiasm leaves an thumbprint, a feeling, "Yes!" that needs no voice.

I've experienced enthusiasm enough to know what it feels like.  Is there a way I can feel it ...most of the time? Yes!

In this book of several steps aimed at parents of children with special needs I am absorbing the importance of a slower pace, of varying procedure, of employing subtlety, finesse, creating much more flexible goals, and actively noticing neat things that contribute to my enthusiasm.

This is not a new concept in my bloodline. "Find the Good." is a family phrase we often tease each other with, but we do mean it and we do try to see silver linings even in the midst of anxiety and chaos. ...but enthusiasm differs from finding the good.

Bolstering enthusiasm is not a means to an end (or a safe place) like "Find the Good" can be. Enthusiasm is the feeling that remains one moment into the next because I have noticed good. I have not found good. I have noticed it - and I haven't got to spark a doob or drop a tab to notice.

Think of the how we notice and think of how we find. Doesn't noticing feel more gentle?

So when I gently notice things like.... well, I'll share my list of "neat things I notice" from two days ago:


Sheldon loves to cuddle with me in the morning.
I like making Hopper breakfast.
Hopper answered her phone this morning - she even lingered to talk and joke a tiny bit before hanging up on me (I gave her permission to because I snuck in a pretty horrible pun.)
Both my husband and my BFE were interested to know what I planned to do today.
April is back. (She is someone in my community who makes me smile, she just returned from a month's hiatus.)
Frank is really nice. He told me about coming to America after fleeing his communist country of Vietnam. Really interesting. It took him jail time, torture and a number of years to be free but he kept on.
Found out Joshua Radin is performing tonight with A Fine Frenzy!!! <3
It was easy to say when I'm going on vacation and won't be available to work.

There have been more things since...all these situational smiles that pile into the day which I could, and often do, forget about by the time I go to sleep at night, but because I noticed them and took a moment to enjoy them, and write them down, I've given myself the opportunity to feel that soft, internal, "Yes!" with each and every one.

This may look like a list of things I'm grateful for. It's not. It's just a collection of neat things I notice. Again, do you feel the difference?  I am....so in love with having learned this. It is going to take a heck of a lot of practice for this kind of noticing to become natural for me to do. So be it. :)

Love Revisited

Music, I have missed you. I wish I realized sooner how little of music has been part of my day to day. I am someone whose BFF in high school's first response (upon seeing me in person for the first time 20 years later) was, "YOU. Oh, my God, Wendy. You did everything you said you wanted to do. And now you're on the radio." and I was hee. And she embarrassed me by telling everyone in the room how attached to music I really was through all those years. "We couldn't go to the mall without spending at least an HOUR in the music shop. Name a music store anywhere in a thirty mile radius, they all know Wendy. We can't even go to Rhode Island without running into somebody she knows. Some singer or drummer or some DJ or music geek or whatever." I was red. But, she hit on how invested I was/am in music and how important its presence is to me.

How could I forget about it? Music is the stuff that permeates my bones and I find it so abundantly joyful that it tends to spill over the cup which holds my soul. I'm serious. I love to dance and sing, especially dance, or especially sing (depends on whichever I am doing at the moment) and I love relating to music and relating to people and relating music to people and being part of melody.

I have so much passion for music. When I'm not hobbling from a shit knee, I move lyrically. I tend to speak and write rhythmically. It's why my voice works well on air. My college professor once mentioned that my essays have melodies. That makes me smile.

And you know what I haven't heard much of in the past two years or so? Can you believe that? I used to submerse myself in the stuff and for two years I left the dial on talk radio (mostly to learn how to deliver a better show) and didn't much listen to music at home where the TV is often on...and certainly haven't danced a lot....and while I can't keep from singing all the time, there's little accompaniment most of the time unless Hop and I tune in on something we both like while in the car.

I miss music and I've rediscovered how joyful it makes me in the days of nursing my knee. Combined with words that really punch you somewhere, like your heart or your brain or your butt, is the best expression ever.

And the cutest thing in the world is that Hopper (my kid) wants to spend this Saturday watching musicals with me.  I have Willy Wonka to thank for that.