Wendy 1 Zucchini 1

I spent HOURS yesterday afternoon trying to crisp little slices of zucchini in my oven. After killing 6 zucchinis and burning or making goop of several trays of wanna-be chips, I gave up.

I vented frustration on facebook...and the heavy response was "food dehydtrator!" Now, I've got to say, I am no fan of these bulky kitchen annoyances, but if they're going to help me make healthy chips and widen my menu a bit without throwing me into a carbs spin....well, I'll have a look at getting one.

For today, though, playing it safe with asparagus, notatoes and cracked pepper-rubbed ham.

But, do hear this: I'll get you zucchini, and your little dog, too.

I did not get to church today because the one I love to go to is ultimately too far away. I've been an indecisive mess for too long, though, and wish to find one much, much closer to home so I can be a more committed churchgoer. I don't feel I need to do this to be more committed to God, I just need to have the set-aside time to bask in His presence with my family and a bunch of other imperfect people held together by a thread of love. Same as I can do in any grocery store - only more focused on sharing Divine energy. That's the stuff.

Team Paleo?

Last night, Rob took some time to read The Paleo Solution which is quite helpful...because he might take what I'm trying to do more seriously now. And wouldn't it be great if he'd be eating this way more regularly too? And when I'm stuck in a pattern or in danger of falling into one, he could be someone to counterbalance my little food phobias and nervous eating triggers. I would be for him. I am a fan of co-dependence so much.

But, mostly I am a fan of delicious recipes and the meat loaf I made tonight was perfect. I sauteed diced onion and diced baby portabellas in coconut oil (and a splash of bacon grease) and mixed that with some cream and 1 egg into a pound of ground beef. Smushed it into a bread-shaped pan and stuck it in the 400 degree oven for about an hour. Perfect. Moist. Flavorful.

Win.

Maybe I Need Therapy

I find that when I've got time to prepare meals (or portions of them) ahead of time, I do so much better on this thing. It's when I've run out of ingredients for things I'd planned to make (the people around here eat things up very quickly) that I have a very difficult time sticking to it.

So, I've got today at home while I'm trying to piece together things for/about my mom and her health care and home and work money troubles and I've got butternut squash in the oven. Spaghetti squash is next. Then I'll make a meat loaf and crumble up some beef and store it.

It's the little things that help me feel prepared and supplied and able. Without that feeling of being supplied, I go straight for the drive-thru.

And lately I've considered Cognitive Behavioral Therapy because it's like I'm wired wrong up there. If things have not been "just so" then I have tended to quickly and easily get derailed which means I am stuck at this weight...because I'll do really, very well for a while, then something will happen and I stop swimming. I sink.

So, yeah. I am really not afraid to pull out all the stops and try every tool. I sincerely want to break through barriers, not just leap over them to do a few laps around just to leap over them again. Like, I have to wonder is this something mental? Is it really JUST will power?