I AM SO GRUMPY.

So, I'm writing out my irritations and then attempting to find the good. It's what I'm inclined to do. It keeps me from going to my bed and pulling up the covers for days on end. Heeeere we go!

I'm still angry that I'm struggling with the hormones rule. And I'm looking forward to the start of my Yourishment group next week. Coach Ivana has a reasonable plan that is going to change the way I eat, the types of foods I focus on, and should safely distance me from my carbohydrates addiction. So, while I am not finished being upset about the crap choices I've made, I'm literally praying for Tuesday to be the beginning of optimal health for me and the rest of the group. Come on, Tuesday!!!

I was so friggen tired at work today, I did everything slowly and I felt stupid. The workday is over. I'm a reasonably good worker. I care a lot about my job(s) and put a lot of heart into the things I do. Today just plain sucked. Tomorrow means there's an opportunity to shake off the dumbness of today. Right? Right. Plus, I may get better sleep tonight (as long as the earth stops grinding underneath the house!) Okay, so the aim is to get sleep, be refreshed and ready to be a rockstar tomorrow.

My husband left to race his car again. I sometimes like it when he goes away to drive his car and hang with his buddies. Some track days, though, I'd like it if he didn't go away. There is a bunch to do and I'm exceedingly nervous about being here with creepy shaky house while he is driving round and round, going wheeeeheeee!!! wahooooo!! far away from the tremors and nowhere near the sounds of thunder. Yes, I am jealous. BOO. HISS. Oh, wait, a good thing. A good thing. Uhm... he'll be back tomorrow. And he's home for the weekend. And that means stuff around the house with his name on it can get taken care of. And being in the creepy shaky house (if the storms come or the earth quakes) won't be as horrible. Bright side.

My brother's constantly fighting, dramatic family simply overwhelms me with its major issues and horrible threats and they worry me, they embarrass me and knowing they are such a mess and UNWILLING TO DO ANYTHING BUT BITCH ABOUT IT AND FIGHT AND BLAME EACH OTHER is heartbreaking. My brother moved out. This could be the start of some kind of healing. Some kind of positive direction. Some kind of ease in the tension and hatred and sadness for the lot of them. I pray that this will be good - not that they won't work it out, but that maybe they will now. I pray.


I told my kid not to let me weasel out of our walking time on the treadmill tonight. WHY DID I SAY THAT?! To be accountable, happy in my skin, proud of myself, on-track with exercise, forward-moving, less sad, less irritated....and that is reason enough to quit the internal whine fest and get my damn shoes on. The more I get this done, the less of a grind it is going to be.