Square One.

Hello, square one. It's poo to see you again, but here we are. I've been feeling lost and kind of alone with this weight loss stuff lately...and I've lost focus on diet and exercise and I've lost the ambition to get up and go, go, go.

Part of this comes from the changes I've had to make outside of any personal weight loss or gain. Maybe all of it does. All I know is that this weekend, I spent most of my time staring at the fridge, unable to figure out what to make or eat. I barely had anything. I let the treadmill be a clothesline. (Insert heavy sigh and sagging shoulders here!)

I let go of routine prayer in favor of sleep.

I still have hope inside of me. I am not completely desolate! I'm just having a rough couple of days following a major and difficult decision to let go of a job I love, but am no longer good at doing. I'm too busy for it. I'm not committed to it like I once was. I wasn't being a good partner and, as much as it hurt to recognize it, I had to let it go.

That's two jobs I've decided to let go of. And even though I know my decision was the right one, it was a tough one, and I've had a post-breakup weekend like you wouldn't believe. I even skipped a bunch of meals and then ate a slice of cake. I did! Not proud, just being honest about it.

I know I'm up a few pounds because I feel differently when I get out of bed it's more like a lethargy takes over than a spring from the mattress ready to rock these days. I feel differently in my skin - the way a woman does when PMS is settling in - and uncomfortable and everything.

I told myself to get back to square one today. What is it about square one that makes you feel completely stupid? It is as if everything I've learned and know how to do has been lost and now we are starting over....even if that's not true. I know a lot and can do a lot. So, I guess I just have to find that nut of knowledge I've been keeping somewhere and crack it open again.